Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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