I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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