I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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