So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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