And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
they're like a gay fantastic four
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
