Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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