JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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