A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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