I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize