strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
What drink are we having for lunch?
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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