I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
