what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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