I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
