Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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