Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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