My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
