I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
