I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Randomize
