we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
