I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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