The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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