I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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