jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
And the cops told us we were all naked.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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