My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
