FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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