you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
