so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
