i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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