This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
