You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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