I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
