That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
