3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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