question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
