sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
