You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
