Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
