I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
