Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
i think i just lost a toe
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
