i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
