It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
