I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You can't motorboat a personality
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
