I wish I only lived at night.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
