dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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