You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
