Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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