Four minutes until I can fart!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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