How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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