Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Pants are for mortals
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize