i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Floor bacon is actually really good
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
