I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
there is puke in my bra ... again
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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