When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
