I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
