remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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