Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
