i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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