my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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