No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
