So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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