no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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