I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
