I cockslap morals
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
