My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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