i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
this will be a night to untag.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
