They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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