Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
