Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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