I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
