I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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