I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
