Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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