I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
