Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
