I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
