That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
