I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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