it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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