I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
