is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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