I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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