And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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