My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
So vagazzling was a success
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
