i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize