im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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