I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
