How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
