Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize