my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
