She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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