My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
