if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
