dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
