we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
