Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
