So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
