I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
