i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
