I think I died a long time ago.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
