yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
