false alarm. still invincible.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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