so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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