He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
