would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize