I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
