wrigley field is MILF paradise
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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